I had an odd experience tonight.

I read an old article my husband wrote while he was dating his previous girlfriend, who had two small children.  It was strange to see him talk about "parenting" when he was not technically a parent, and it was enlightening to see how his life had worked out, preparing him for this roller-coaster ride that he strapped himself into when he married me and my five kids.

And let me say here; Cat is the consummate "stepfather."  He knows, and has known from the outset, how to deal with my kids.  And these are, for the most part, "older" kids; kids who have been through hell and back with me, are maniacally protective of me, and are inherently suspicious of any potential partner that strolls over the horizon.  Without pretense or even concerted effort, he won them over because he loves me, and by association, my most treasured miracles in my life-- my children.  They started referring to him as a "parent" or "father" *NOT always STEP-father* before we were even married.  They are as protective of him, now, as they are of me, and I have witnessed even my most volatile middle child take Cat's side in a disagreement with me!

But the thing that this brought to mind for me today was something I had been discussing with my daughter this afternoon: the concept of being (in Biblical jargon) of being "unequally yoked."   For all that Pagans are accepting of others' paths, is it possible or edifying to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't share at least a modicum of compatibility where spirituality is concerned?  Can a Pagan and a Fundamentalist Christian have a future as a couple?  Is there hope for a Catholic and a Jew?  Heck, can a Southern Baptist and a United Methodist find enough common ground, religiously, to make a go of things?

The short, easy answer is yes-- of course.  Any time two people love each other enough, no boundaries are strong enough to thwart them.  The stricter, more difficult answer is:  Not without a miracle.  Not without communication rarely seen in modern humans.  Not without compromise, planning, coordination, and an otherworldly ability to accept, accept, accept-- even in the face of flat-out disagreement.

In my own experience, I have seen that the best barometer of How Sunny's Doing is a quick check of how my kids are reacting to me.  They know, instinctively, when I'm in a bad place-- or a good place.  The union between my beloved and myself is beyond the facts (I think he's cute, I love his hair, I find him sexy and desirable, I respect him, I am fulfilled by him, I believe in him, I consider him witty and charming and wickedly intelligent and eloquent.)  We are able to connect, agree, understand each other, and support each other on a spiritual level because our beliefs are so similar.  Ok, so he's Wiccan and I'm not; we're still on very similar paths, and we have the same core views about the Big Tenets of our cosmology.  We do ritual differently, but not so differently, even, as Catholics and Methodists.  We call on different Gods and Goddesses, but we have the same view of their influences and workings in our lives.  We sometimes disagree on  things, but we always, always understand and appreciate the validity of the other's stance on those things.  In other words, we are in sync.

My daughter and I had this conversation because of a young man that she is very close to.  This delightful guy is a darling, spiritual, committed Christian.  The chemistry between the two of them is startling; however, logic dictates that these two will be much better served by never pursuing those formulae.  While I think this young man is wholly "good enough" to date my daughter, I would be very skeptical about their chances together; in the end, the differences in their belief systems would prove a wedge in what should be a smooth bonding of soul, spirit, mind, and body.  It's sad, to me; I think this guy is a total peach.  But I would have serious problems with Carly dating him seriously.

As much as I preach and prattle about tolerance, the validity of all paths, and the need for acceptance and understanding between religiously different folk, there comes a time and place when we have to realize that some things are not reconcilable.  There is no room in a relationship, much less a marriage, for such a fundamental difference as having two belief systems that are at least, in one of the views, mutually exclusive.  I don't mean to bash any couples who seem to be making this work; I just think that it's something that Pagan parents need to think about.

Christians have no qualms about warning their children against being "unequally yoked."  Perhaps we should at least consider educating our children about the difficulties of such unions, too.  I know, I know-- Pagans have to have those bumper stickers that say "All Gods are The Same," but when it comes down to it, we have to remember that NOT all gods teach this premise.  My daughter (and all of my children) are too precious to me not to warn them about the reality of opposing belief systems in a relationship.  And while seeing the blossoming of my life since being with my Cat speaks volumes to them, I know that it's still my responsibility to try to lend some perspective as to why that is to my kids.