Love The Mama 

 

I found this quote today:

 

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

 

I've heard this before, and always rather thought of it in the context of 'keeping the family together.' 

 

Now, since my children have essentially grown up without a father in the classic sense, it rather took me aback today, to find out I had a new perspective.

 

Being a father doesn't mean being the breadwinner.  It doesn't mean being the disciplinarian.  It doesn't mean anything, anymore, in today's society, other than one of an infinite number of permutations on the role that a man plays in a child's life.  Some biological fathers are absent.  Some are part-time contributors to a child's life.  Some are full-time, in the absence of a mother.  Some are step-fathers or uncles or big brothers who have taken on the responsibility for being an integral part of a child's life? and within this group, even, there are varying degrees of involvement and ultimate responsibility.

 

So why, in this day and age, when 'fatherhood' is such an impossible-to-define role, does this statement still make so much sense to me?

 

I think it's because of my current situation.  My children, as I've said, have lived essentially all of their lives without a father.  It's been 'me and the kids' for most of the time, alone.  Granted, there are and have been periodic interjections from biological dads and other interested parties alike, but when push has come to shove, it's been us against the world, alone? without anyone reliable for my kids to think of in that role? even one not called 'father.'

 

But lately, it's come to my attention that the one man in their lives to date who has tried carefully to avoid even LOOKING like he wants to be a 'father' for them has done just the thing none of the other men in their lives have? he's loved me.

 

And in loving me, he's freed my love, my patience, my laughter, my soul.  He's given me a source of support, so that I'm not all stressed out trying to deal with life and take care of my kids at the same time.  He's made me smile, given me back that sparkle, and allowed me to love my kids even more demonstrably than ever.

 

Whether you're a 'natural' father, a close family friend, a step-father, or any other close relationship to a child or children, take this for what it's worth, from a mother who adores her children more than anything in the universe, but who has become an even better person and mother because of the love of a good man?. Love that mother.  Her children will thank you for it one day, and will benefit from it more than you will ever be able to hope for. 

(c) Copyright 2002 by Sunny Simmons 
Reproduction without permission is prohibited by law and, as Catalyst says, discouraged by Karma.