Pagan Group Dissension

Question:

Hi, I've been trying to figure out a way to ask for advice on this problem for a while now. I use to belong to a local pagan group, now a grove, not to long ago. I didn't actually drop out but just got caught up in taking care of a new baby and two older kids( I know you understand:) When I tried to get back into the activities of the group, my new friend (who I met there) and I encountered some new members who have "taken over" in some ways. Well, one of them seems very, I don't know the best word, but maybe critical would be it. She isn't friendly to new members and I also caught her making fun of
someone else who just happened to be absent for that meeting. Actually criticizing her for being too "white light." Now, the member who is unofficially doing most of the planning and organizing is really nice and tries to include everyone and I think they are taking advantage of her by acting the way they are. I'm not sure if she sees it.

I was one of the people who started this group in the beginning and I know its great need for the community. The problem I need advice with is just that. I want to be a part of this group but I cant (along with some others) with those kind of people. There are only 2 or 3 of them. The group has been so good for the community to meet other pagans and actually form smaller groups of like minded people. It now involves people on surrounding counties getting together for open pagan rituals and holidays. They also hold open meetings and workshops. As you can see, its been an asset to the Pagan community.

One of the members did actually try to talk to some others about this but they just got defensive. So I don't know if that will anything except make whoever tries to talk to them worse and oust you form the community. Its a real dilemma for a few of us who are no longer official members.

I wanted to add something I thought was important. Its about the girl I mentioned. At a resent festival my friend and I went to that the group was sponsoring, my friend caught this girl trying to give her the "evil eye"for lack of a better word. My friend said she could just feel the bad "vibes" coming off her. She thinks this girl is trying to turn the rest of the members against her and maybe even tried some kind of spell to get her out of the group. Now my friend is one of the nicest people I know and she admits she did go into the group too open with her personal info, etc., ( she had a
rough past) but aren't we supposed to not judge no matter what our religion? I thought this was important because of the chance of some negative use of magick by some of the members.



Answer:

I feel your pain in this situation... I have seen this exact thing, in varying manifestations, in a whole lot of groups... pagan and otherwise.

Unfortunately, if there has already been an attempt made to talk to the person who is bringing the negativity to the group, without success, you only have a couple of options. One, find out if your opinion is shared with the majority of the other members. If so, you can either a) oust the offending members, yourselves, or b) split off and form your own, new group. I image that since you were part of the founding of the group, you'd rather not have to start all over again, but sometimes new beginnings become necessary.

I personally loathe confrontations of this kind; they never seem to go well. When a person is of the type that you describe, talking to them generally only makes things worse. You might, however, try sitting down with her and a few of the other members that agree with your assessment of the situation, and basically say, "Look. Here are the behaviors that we are seeing, and this is the way we feel about them." If you attack the behaviors, and discuss YOUR reactions to them, rather than attacking the person, and putting them into defensive mode, you might have a chance at salvaging the group as it stands; however, since most people are unfortunately unable to take criticism, even when warranted, I wouldn't hold your breath.

My concern when this kind of thing happens is the harm it does to the pagan community. Negative, power-hungry, cliquish people do nothing at all to foster growth in a spiritual path. I know you said that the grove fills a need in your community; I submit to you that any organization run by someone with these tendencies is not filling that need in a manner that lines up with the tenets of most forms of Witchcraft or Wicca. Having a group just to have a group is not a beneficial thing. It sounds like to me it's time for the birth of a new entity altogether.

I wish you the best in this endeavor; perhaps the Goddess has placed this burden on you so that a new, better, more affirming group can be raised!